


Running Now (I Close My Eyes)

by Azure (Fancy_Ravenclaw)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 08:09:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13383708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fancy_Ravenclaw/pseuds/Azure
Summary: Bad days don’t care where you are or what you’re doing. This time, Dan is hit by one on a trip to Florida with the in-laws. Fortunately, Phil is always right there with him.





	Running Now (I Close My Eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a prompt I received from a lovely Tumblr user. If you want to send me a prompt you can leave a comment or send me a message on my [Tumblr here](http://daniactuallysnuffledthatpopcorn.tumblr.com)!

There were days when Dan woke up with a heavy feeling in his chest, pulling him down and keeping him glued to his bed. There were also days when he was floating. His footsteps were light and the world was calling him. But then there were the grey days, the ones that were the hardest to explain to outsiders, and the hardest to justify to himself. 

The moment he rolled over onto his side and opened his eyes he’d know the score, dragging his heavy legs out and planting them on the floor. Bad days never came at a convenient time, but today was especially inconvenient. The bed he’d woken up in that morning wasn’t his own, but instead it was one in a rented house in sunny Florida, stood in a room that was lit up by the bright light from outside despite the thick curtains. Phil was already gone when he stumbled his way to the bathroom to splash some water in his face. He had probably gone to join his family downstairs for a pre-breakfast swim, as he usually did. 

The water didn’t do much to clear his mind. Dan dried himself off and repressed the urge to turn right back around and return to bed, instead leaving the safety of their bedroom and emerging into the public space. He was immediately greeted by Martyn, dressed in some swimming shorts and holding a pool noodle, who walked past him on his way downstairs. Dan followed him. The rest of the family was scattered around the lounge and Phil’s eyes lit up when he spotted his boyfriend. “There you are.” He wiped a strand of wet hair from his eyes as he got up from the sofa. They had waited for him to have breakfast, also according to their routine, and now that he had arrived they all made their way to the dining room table, which had already been set. 

It seemed Dan and Cornelia were the only ones who had not yet been for a swim that morning, though whereas Dan had been asleep, Cornelia had been doing yoga next to the pool. The group chattered about a beach ball incident of sorts and Dan did his best to grin along with his heavy head. He kept drifting away and turning a piece of toast over in his hand. By the time the others had finished eating he hadn’t even taken one bite. Twenty minutes had flown by and he had no idea what he had done during that time. He straightened his back and smiled experimentally, willing himself to feel better. 

As he helped clear the table, he did his best to stay out of everyone’s way, only picking up the objects he knew where to put away. He couldn’t make himself open his mouth no matter how sternly he gave himself a talking-to. 

“Whoops.” 

A sinking feeling nestled in Dan’s throat, making its way down to his chest and belly. Phil’s mum, the person he’d just bumped into, had already moved on, taking some plates to the kitchen, but Dan’s breathing was restricted and he wanted to disappear. He dumped the jam back on the table and dashed into the hallway where he locked himself in the toilet. With his hands planted on the sides of the sink he tried to convince himself that everything was fine, but he didn’t even believe himself. No one was going to enjoy spending time with him when he was like this. He was just going to be bothering everyone else with his bad mood and ruin their day. 

After a few minutes of deep breathing he made a decision and left the tiny room. “Hey, I feel a bit sick so I’m going to have a lie-down.” He said, head just barely visible around the corner and voice barely loud enough for the nearest person to hear. Cornelia gave him a smile and a nod, “Feel better soon. Do you want me to bring you some tea later?”

“No, thank you. I’ll be alright. Thank you.” He glanced at Phil, stood by the sink with his brother, and quickly left the room to retreat to his room. He regretted the fact that he couldn’t lock the door, but pulling the sheets over his head made him feel nearly as safe so he settled for that. The room’s position at the back of the house allowed him to hear the muffled sounds of splattering and laughing coming from the pool in the garden. 

He felt isolated, which was comforting in a way, but painful in another. Hearing Phil’s excited voice made him sink into the bed, the air pressing thick and heavy on him. He was alone.

\--

There was a knock at the door. Dan opened his eyes, unsure whether he had slept or just dissociated himself to a different reality for a few hours. “Dan?”

Quietly, he peeked at the door over the safety of his blankets. It opened, a head appearing in the opening. Dan’s eyes focused and found Phil’s mother: pretty much the last person he wanted to let see him this way.

“Honey, are you feeling any better?”

“No.” He whispered.

She entered the room, placing a glass of water on the nightstand and taking his appearance in. He probably looked sick. Well, he was, but not in the way she may think.

“We’re going for a hike. Are you well enough to come along or would you prefer to stay in?”

“I’ll stick this one out, thanks.” He muttered.

“Alright. Where is your phone? Do you have it here?”

“I don’t know.”

She started looking around and he felt his entire body tense in hatred for his own state. He should get up and help her look, but instead he just lay there until she produced his phone from the desk in the corner of the room with a triumphant look. He couldn’t even muster a damn smile.

She put it next to the glass of water. “We’ll all have our phones on, okay? Call us if you need anything.”

Dan closed his eyes. “Thanks.”

He heard her open and close the door, and listened to her footsteps on the stairs as she left. A minute later the large front door clicked open and cheery voices echoed off the walls. He pressed his hands to his ears.

“Dan?”

His head shot up in a surge of energy that was immediately depleted again. Phil was just closing the door behind himself. “I’m staying with you.”

“No, no go hiking.” It was bad enough that he was putting a damper on the day with his weak behaviour, he wasn’t going to stop Phil from going out and having fun too. “Go, please.”

“I’m feeling like taking a nap. Much more fun than hiking.” Phil kicked off his shoes and crawled under the covers, wrapping his long arms around Dan’s waist. “I love you.” He said in a soft voice, kissing the nape of his boyfriend’s neck. “I know you think you’re being a bother, but you’re not. No one is annoyed with you and I don’t mind staying in with you, okay?”

Dan curled into a foetal position on his side, but Phil wasn’t put off by it, simply moving with him and wrapping his own body around his. “It’s okay if you just want to lie in bed for a while now. I’ll stay with you. But tonight you’re going to have some dinner, whether that be with us or alone, and we’re going to do that yoga routine, okay? I’ll do it with you. That’s all. For the rest you can stay here, if you want.”

“Okay.” It came out as a whisper, but Phil accepted it. He pressed another kiss to the back of Dan’s head. 

\--

Phil wasn’t one to come back on his promises. He stuck with Dan, only getting up to go to the bathroom and get them water and food. Dan didn’t eat, but Phil made him sit up and sip some water a few times. The rest of the family came back to the house and they lay still, listening to the movement and muffled voices coming from downstairs and later from the garden. 

“My mum is asking if you want to have dinner downstairs or if she should put some aside for you to have here.” Phil said at six thirty, phone in one hand and Dan’s hand in the other. “Dinner is at seven, so in half an hour.”

Dan was quiet for nearly a full minute, but Phil knew he’d heard him so he patiently awaited a reply. 

“I’ll go.” He said eventually.

“Okay, great. I’ll tell her that.”

“Don’t tell them what’s going on. Please.”

“Of course not. We’ll just say you weren’t feeling too good, but you’re a bit better now.”

Dan nodded. 

They waited until the last possible moment before getting out of bed. Dan’s body was aching and his limbs heavy, but he shook them out a little and went downstairs with Phil.

Phil didn’t come back on his promises. He had stayed with Dan and he had not made him do anything he didn’t want to do. But Dan had in turn promised him he would have dinner, so he did. He ate about half what he usually would, but he managed some vegetables and some fries. They made him feel nauseous at first, but as they sank down he started feeling a bit better. He didn’t eat any dessert, even though it looked amazing, because he just couldn’t be bothered to exert himself any more. 

Phil didn’t seem to mind, he’d given Dan smiled and knee squeezes multiple times during the meal to make sure Dan knew he was proud of him. 

Sometimes grey days cleared up as the hours passed, but today didn’t appear to be heading in that direction. After dinner Phil’s mum insisted he didn’t help clean up, and although it made him feel horribly guilty, he was also grateful he got to make his way back to the safety of the bed. 

Phil stayed down to help with the dishes, but came up fifteen minutes after Dan had, too. He found his boyfriend already hidden under the covers again. From under the sheets he watched Phil lie out the yoga mats they’d brought, until Phil stood expectantly, holding out his hand. Dan reluctantly sat up and took it, letting Phil pull him up and onto his mat. 

“Twenty minutes. That’s all.” Phil promised, getting into the first pose. “Any yoga you do now will make you feel better tomorrow.”

Dan assumed warrior pose. He was grateful to have Phil by his side, knowing he would always push him just the right amount but knowing exactly when to stop. Tomorrow would be a better day, and Phil would be right there by his side to guide him back to good days.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Stamina by Sia. Thanks for reading! x


End file.
